A few years back I went to therapy for the first time. Donnie and I were struggling in our marriage and neither of us knew how to fix it (believe me we tried a lot of things that did not help) so we turned to a professional. We had weekly meetings with Adam Moore of Utah Valley Counseling via a skype type program because we were in Alaska at the time. Sometimes we saw him as a couple and sometimes separately. Seeing a good therapist was life changing for us. It was a big part of what saved our marriage. We found out that Donnie suffered from what is classified as a Love Addiction. This explained why he reacted the way he did to so many situations and we were able to study, read, and work toward a better marriage. I had a host of my own faulty core beliefs to deal with and counseling was instrumental in helping me understand what I was doing to damage my relationship with Donnie and how I could change it.
After a year and a half of counseling both Donnie and I felt that we had been given the tools we needed to work on our marriage without professional help so we “graduated” from therapy (hahaha, that is not actually a thing).
Not long after that “graduation” my relationship with my parents and siblings got really complicated and difficult. A sister of mine confided in me about being sexually abused by a family member. As I stood by her and helped her tell the family, I was put through so many hard things. The people that I grew up with and that I was supposed to be feel supported by, turned on me. I have been dealing with the aftermath of that for over a year now. Just recently I decided to seek out therapy again to help me manage my feelings surrounding the situation with my family. I found an amazing online resource called “Bloom For Women“. I have started doing their weekly courses and they have been a great strength to me. Their price is 1/4th what therapy was costing me before for weekly in person meetings and I can work at my own pace. I can ask questions that are answered by some amazing therapists and I can connect with other women in a forum they offer. It’s been just what I need. I want to get back into in-person therapy some day (because I loved it), but this is working really well right now.
Last week the weekly lesson was about resilience. The topic seemed perfect considering what I’ve been dealing with so I jumped in hoping to gain some wisdom and comfort. Each day I watched a short video (5 min) by a therapist and then filled out the associated work sheet. One of the questions on one of the worksheets asked what sort of advice I would give a friend who was dealing with a similar situation. I thought “that’s easy!!” and then thought about what I do at school when one of the children comes to me complaining that another child said something mean about them. I always first ask them “is what that other person said true?” The child always answers no, every time. So then I say “what IS true about you?”, and I have them list some things that are true about them…”I am creative, I am a good friend, I am kind, etc.”
The next part of the worksheet basically told me to take my own advice. Hahahah. A light bulb came on. I am constantly telling my own kids, and the kids at school, how to handle a situation where someone tells them things that are untrue about them and I had never considered doing the same thing myself. I need to listen to my own advice. Now, when I am confronted with a situation where someone says something about me that’s untrue I try to use what I know. I stop. I take some deep breaths. I acknowledge that what they said is not true and then I list some things about me that are true. It has helped so much. I wasn’t sure that an online therapeutic website would be helpful but I am SO glad I am doing it.
This weeks lesson is on “Relationships & Our Process”. I can’t wait to see what I learn.
If you are at all interested in taking classes from Bloom go to their website here. You can use code “youareloved” for 15% off. I would love to know if you join and find it valuable. I can always associate with more friends who like to talk therapy!