Do you listen to your own Advice?

A few years back I went to therapy for the first time.  Donnie and I were struggling in our marriage and neither of us knew how to fix it (believe me we tried a lot of things that did not help) so we turned to a professional. We had weekly meetings with Adam Moore of Utah Valley Counseling via a skype type program because we were in Alaska at the time.  Sometimes we saw him as a couple and sometimes separately.  Seeing a good therapist was life changing for us.  It was a big part of what saved our marriage.  We found out that Donnie suffered from what is classified as a Love Addiction.  This explained why he reacted the way he did to so many situations and we were able to study, read, and work toward a better marriage.  I had a host of my own faulty core beliefs to deal with and counseling was instrumental in helping me understand what I was doing to damage my relationship with Donnie and how I could change it.

After a year and a half of counseling both Donnie and I felt that we had been given the tools we needed to work on our marriage without professional help so we “graduated” from therapy (hahaha, that is not actually a thing).

Not long after that “graduation” my relationship with my parents and siblings got really complicated and difficult.  A sister of mine confided in me about being sexually abused by a family member.  As I stood by her and helped her tell the family, I was put through so many hard things.  The people that I grew up with and that I was supposed to be feel supported by, turned on me.  I have been dealing with the aftermath of that for over a year now.  Just recently I decided to seek out therapy again to help me manage my feelings surrounding the situation with my family.  I found an amazing online resource called “Bloom For Women“.  I have started doing their weekly courses and they have been a great strength to me.  Their price is 1/4th what therapy was costing me before for weekly in person meetings and I can work at my own pace.  I can ask questions that are answered by some amazing therapists and I can connect with other women in a forum they offer.  It’s been just what I need.  I want to get back into in-person therapy some day (because I loved it), but this is working really well right now.

Last week the weekly lesson was about resilience.  The topic seemed perfect considering what I’ve been dealing with so I jumped in hoping to gain some wisdom and comfort.  Each day I watched a short video (5 min) by a therapist and then filled out the associated work sheet.  One of the questions on one of the worksheets asked what sort of advice I would give a friend who was dealing with a similar situation.  I thought “that’s easy!!” and then thought about what I do at school when one of the children comes to me complaining that another child said something mean about them.  I always first ask them “is what that other person said true?”  The child always answers no, every time.  So then I say “what IS true about you?”, and I have them list some things that are true about them…”I am creative, I am a good friend, I am kind, etc.”

advice

The next part of the worksheet basically told me to take my own advice.  Hahahah.  A light bulb came on.  I am constantly telling my own kids, and the kids at school, how to handle a situation where someone tells them things that are untrue about them and I had never considered doing the same thing myself.   I need to listen to my own advice.  Now, when I am confronted with a situation where someone says something about me that’s untrue I try to use what I know.  I stop.  I take some deep breaths.  I acknowledge that what they said is not true and then I list some things about me that are true.  It has helped so much.  I wasn’t sure that an online therapeutic website would be helpful but I am SO glad I am doing it.

This weeks lesson is on “Relationships & Our Process”.  I can’t wait to see what I learn.

If you are at all interested in taking classes from Bloom go to their website here.  You can use code “youareloved” for 15% off.  I would love to know if you join and find it valuable.  I can always associate with more friends who like to talk therapy!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s